On Monday night, at a make up class for my daughter’s dance lessons, I chatted up another mom. If you’re a mom, you know how it went…how many kids do you have, how old, boys or girls, etc? And then her youngest daughter started misbehaving. For me, an epiphany occurred watching this calm mom NOT yell at her 3 year old.
In the past, I’ve felt like I’m not the mom I want to be. I do not want to be this raging, out of control mom. I don’t like it and I don’t like scaring my kids. When I get to this part in my temper where I’m so enraged, I’ve often imagined that my eyes turn red with fury. I know I look crazy too.
A few months ago, I decided to try not to yell anymore. I think THAT lasted a few days. I didn’t really let myself be held accountable. I posted a few times on Facebook that I wasn’t going to yell anymore, and got a few responses back, but I didn’t stick to it. I had no reason to since none of my friends were going to call me on my behavior. So, I lost track of my goal. I won’t be doing that again. I can’t
threaten promise to post everyday, but I can post on occasion to share my successes and failures. And I can learn how to remake my yelling, out of control behavior habit into a calm and peaceful habit…even if I slip on occasion.
You may say, “Hey, I’ve seen you and your kids. They are well-behaved, why do you want to ruin a good thing, because obviously, what you’ve been doing is working?” I have a few answers to this. The first is my responsibility as a parent. I do not feel close to my kids, and I don’t mean in that buddy, buddy way a lot of parents think parenting should be (if that’s you, sorry, but I WILL still be my kids’ parent first, friend after). I always feel so gleeful when my children share their deepest thoughts with me, which is usually one-on-one in the car, where I’m trapped (LOL) and they have my attention so much as I can give it. I also feel like this only happens when I’m in a calm place, and parenting is going well. Second, I want to feel good about me. When I envisioned parenting all those years ago, I NEVER saw this raving lunatic I often feel like I am. I saw a parent who listened to her children and respected what they had to say, who didn’t criticize them overly and hurt their feelings. I saw myself as a parent who taught her children how to parent (in due time). I do not want to hear my adult children say, “I’m so glad I chose differently than you with how I am with my children”, or, “I wish I was a better parent, but this is who my mom was”. Both would be devastating. Third, I want to be more like Christ. I know, so cliche for Christians, but I hardly think Christ would be yelling for no reason at all. I hardly feel Christian when I deal with my children in the way I often do. I also know that the only way I can have peace in my house is if I EXUDE peace. And I want peace. I need peace. I do not want to keep saying that one of the reasons I need to run is so that my children remain alive and I stay out of jail. It’s mostly a joke, but how much truth is in it?!
Anyway, join me on my journey, whether it’s just to read along and support me, or if maybe you’re a yelling mom too, and want to walk a more calm way, you’re welcome to be here. Suggestions are always welcome on how to get me to my goal. This one is a biggie and has more than just 4 children’s lives at stake, but their descendants as well.
Want to read more, join me at my new blog My Journey to Blue.